he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
