Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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