When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
