Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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