Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
