he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
