Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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