I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
