Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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