Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
