I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
