my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
