I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
