i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
