I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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