genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
