can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
