it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
