Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
