I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
