if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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