The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm jealous of your bromance
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
