And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
