put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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