WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
