what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
