weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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