yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
