Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
