She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
