i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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