I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
