His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
