I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
