Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
