at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
