That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
