Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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