So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
