I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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