i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
