remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
