'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There r osticjed everywhere
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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