Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
