this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
