just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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