You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
