Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
