her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
