I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
