My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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