If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
